My cousin sister 3P once said that we’ve all been born into a family of foodies. To date that is one of the most profound things I have ever heard in my life.

Now, on June 21, my dad’s turning 60. So we’re having a sweet 60 party (get it?) for him. Religiously, it’s called a Shashti-abda-boorthy. I think that should translate into 60-woo hoo-birthday. Too bad wiki doesn’t have an entry for it. It has to be conducted by the eldest son and that would be yours truly! While the function involves performing a lot of pujas that are a part of tradition, the part that I can really get involved in is .. yep, the food.

It’s the first time that we are having a big function in our family, so planning the menu actually took longer than planning the guest list. The idea was if the menu was good, the people would come.

So without further ado, the courses – with some explanations for the not so south-indian food saavy. I’ll try to be as Angreji as I can. Maybe I can make it sound like a foren menu!

20th June 2008

Breakfast

Rava Kesari: A sweet tooth is a requisite for any South Indian meal at a function. More often than not you will notice that the desert is served before any other dish can tocuhdown at your plate. This is a dish that made with semolina and sugar.

Vadai: Medhu vada to be more precise. They are doughnuts that are made out of a fried paste of horsebeans.

Pongal: Rice, green gram, black pepper and ginger. Mixed in a fashion that’ll kickstart your morning in no time.

Oothapam: Pancakes made of rice and horsebeans. The base is like a pizza, the toppings are like a pizza. Hey, wait a minute! Those Italians copied our recipe!

Chutney: Coconut grinded to a paste along with a few chillies and the usual suspects that can either leave you screaming for more, or screaming “No more!”

Sambhar: I mean, if you don’t know what Sambhar is you really shouldn’t be reading this.

Coffee: An South Indian function, particularly an Iyer function is incomplete without coffee. If you want to sound Tam when you’re there, ask for kaaa-pee. If you want to sound a little Iyer-ish while you’re at it, ask for filter kaaa-pi. Maamis will blush, trust you me!

Breakfast wasn’t all that bad. Let’s loosen up that belt and head for..

Lunch

Pal payasam: Literally, milk pudding. To me, this is the Queen of Sweets. It’s got everything royal about it. It is pure, milky white and supremely delicious.

Thair Patchadi: A Patchadi is not a pickle but is not a side dish either. Just as there was a period between a man evolving from fish to what he is today, the patchadi is right there – between a pickle and a side dish. This one’s made of curd. You know, I think I should just have said Raitha.

Ericheri: No Clue

Vazhakkai Podimas: When you need to say Va-zha-kkai, think Ko-zhi-kode. When North Indians and South Indians will fight wars in the future, saying this one word right could save your life! Vazhakkai is the raw green banana. This is a side-dish made out of it. Before you say ptttoooiiie, read my undiyo post. You have no idea how tasty those things get when they’re cooked.

Cabbage and Peas Poduthual: Poduthual is best described as the quintessential kid of all side dishes. Like a kid in a gym. It doesn’t have 6-pack masalas, or even a lumpy thick gravy. If a poduthual says cabbage and peas, then it’s likely that’s all you’ll find in it (along with some loser coconut, of course)

Kathirikkai Pitla: This is a yummy dish made out of eggplant (Kathirikkai means brinjal, but can also mean eggplant). This is not to be confused with the Marathi Pitla Bhakri

Moru Kozhambu: A liquid gravy dish made out of buttermilk. North Indian call it Kadi, though it has less sugar than how the Gujju’s make it and less spices that how the rest of North India makes. Still, it makes up for a very tasty accompanient for the rice.

Rasam: If the above dish was liquid, this one is like water. Rasam is very dilute, but when made with tomatoes and pepper, has a tangy taste to it. Most households would recommend that you drink Rasam when you fall have a cold. Not to degrade the dish, but just picture – extremely diluted tomato soup. Hey Tom Hanks! You’ve got Rasam.

Parappu with Ghee: Pulse (dal) and ghee. Unlike the North Indian version of dal, this one is ONLY dal and salt and nothing else. This version is more like a formality before you get started on the meal.

Thengai Rice: Cococut rice. In case you haven’t noticed, Southies are obssessed with coconuts.

Vadai – This one is Masala Vada - i.e. spicer than the medhu vadu. If you want to know the exact difference ask a certain Ms. Hima

Boli – Think Chappathi. Now imagine that stuffed with jaggery. That’s the Boli. Made extremely famous by the omni-present Venkateshwara Boli stall at every corner, this sweet is called Puran Poli.

Rice, Pickle, Curd, Pappadam and Chips


Whew! Made it through lunch. Forging ahead, we reach,

Dinner

Sevai: Long thin rice noodles that just keep going on and on and on. But don’t think Singaporean noodles here; we’re talking Mylaporean’s own!

Rava Dosai: You know what Rava is. These are pancakes made of rava.

Chappathi / Dal: This is the North Indian Dal-Roti combo. Since we have South Indian cooks I’m pretty sure the Dal will be forgettable and the Chappatis can replace your tyres if you get a flat.

Thair Semiya: This is Vermicelli in curd. Might not sound too appetising, but cooks usually make it very interesting by throwing in some nice fruits or other tit bits. Trust me, when you eat this, you will not stop.

Chutney, Sambhar, Pickle, Curd, Chips

And we made it through Day One. After a nice long sleep and an even longer stint in the loo the next day morning, make way for…

21st June 2008

Breakfast

Halwa: In Arabic, Halwa means Goal! In English, it would be called Jelly. We started with a sweet again by the way.

Idli: ‘Rice Cakes’ don’t capture what a darling of a dish that this item is. Across India, people wake up to the smell of freshly cooked Idly’s. The simplest, most nutritious breakfast one can have in the morning.

Kichadi: Not very far from the North Indian version of the dish. Rice based dish with lots of lentils. Has some interesting precedents and antecedents.

Roast: You had dosa the night before. What many North Indians don’t know is that you can get a crispier version of the same thing if you say Roast instead of Dosa.

Idli podi: In English, it is called Gunpowder. Not the stuff that you use to blow out of cannons, but when you pay a visit to the restroom, you might think that it was aptly named.

Vadai, Chutney, Sambhar, Coffee

Lunch

There are many types of Iyers. But the most common type are the Pallakad Iyers. Most of them can trace their roots to a place called Pallakad which is a small town right on the border of Kerela and Tamil Nadu. Not surprisingly therefore Pallakad Iyers are influenced by both Kerela and Tamil Nadu ways. The way they speak for example is a dialect in itself. Essentially, they speak Tamil, but it would have so many words borrowed from Malayalam, that a true Tamil would be bewildered. Their cooking also has lots of imports from the Malayalee culture. As you would have no doubt guessed by now, we are Pallakad Iyers and the lunch on this day is dedicated to our Kerela roots.

Paaladai Pradhaman: Here come the Kiiiiing. This fabulous pudding is a sweet dish made of flakes of rice, milk and sugar. It’s a special dish that is served only on important occsaions. It’s super sweet and usually very thick as well. If you have diabetes, you’d better avoid this. If you haven’t got it, then one helping of this dish and you are on your way!

Sadha Sadhayam Payasam: I’ll leave this one for you to find out when you get there.

Fruit Patchadi: Patchadi made with fruits and maybe some curd as well

Ishtu: It’s potato stew that has been aptly named. Get it .. Ishtu - It’s Stew! It also sounds so much like “Ishatam” of Malayam which means love. This dish is something that you will positively love. It’s basically cooked potatoes in coconut milk gravy. When you finish this you should say, “Enniki Ishtu Ishtapettu” (I loved the Ishtu). [Hint: You can substitute name of that Mallu girl you have been dying to propose to instead of Ishtu. You're welcome]

Olan: No, this has nothing to do with an African company that gives you tons of money, a gun and a one way flight ticket. This dish, in some ways this is the cousin of Ishtu. It also has a coconut paste base. Where Ishtu uses potatoes, this uses pumpkins

Kootu Curry: A curry made with Bengal gram and a host of other vegetables

Avial: Venkilla told me that when the Pandavas returned back to a burnt down wax palace, they wanted to make some food to eat. Bheema, the metro-sexual of yore who liked to wrestle elephants and spend time cooking in the kitchen and connecting with his inner self, said he would make the food. All he had though was leftovers. He put them all together and what they ate then, was what we know call Avial. I don’t know if this is a Parnab Mukherjee funda, but it’s a great question and an even tastier dish. The best Avial I have had to date incidentally is in a place called Dammam in Saudi Arabia, but that is another story.

Beans Poduthual: Remember, the kid in the gym? This time he’s wearing beans shorts.

Mini Jangiri: Mini Jalepi

Puliyodharai: Tamarind Rice with some extra jills and jangs that make up for at least one encore

Pulikyachal: Too bad you don’t get a drum roll when something is served on your plate. This item surely deserves one. I won’t tell you about this. You will find it as a thick brown paste on the top left corner of your plantain leaf.

Thair Pachadi, Vadai, Pappadam, Paruppu, Ghee, Rasam, Pickle

All that remains to be asked is,

when are you getting here?